Has it been a while? I'd say so.

So, I'll lay out the big news flashes that you might need to know since I last wrote... Which was a while ago.  A long while ago.

1. Jeremy and I are parents!!! We had our beautiful baby girl, Penny Jewell, on January 24th this year! She is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen, held and known.  I LOVE being a momma and I LOVE knowing she is mine and that I get to keep her! It's not like meeting an adorable puppy that you have to give back.  She is here to stay and we couldn't be happier about it!!!

2. We also became HOMEOWNERS!!! We got our first house in a town outside of a suburb.  That's right... In the country.  But we do not have acreage or a farm, rather, we live in a development type area.  It will do for now :).  We have a back yard where I can do my gardening and our dog, Frank, just loves having a lawn of his very own to run and play in!  It is exciting to know that we will watch our family begin to grow in this very house!

3. I quit my job as a teller to be a stay at home momma!  This means that I get to spend my days with my lovely little girl and be the one to see her each morning and teach her the things about life that are important to us.  I cannot wait to see how she keeps growing and developing! It will be a blast once we can do crafts together and I can teach her to garden, sew and get creative!  A BIG thank you is due to my amazing, awesome and totally rad husband, Jeremy, who works so hard each day to make this life a reality!!!

4. My photography business is in a lull as of now.  I really did pretty well last year with it, but as the pregnancy continued to change my center of balance and circumference, I stopped scheduling sessions. Unfortunately, my lack of dedication has resulted in a, sadly, baren business calendar.  But, the good news is that I am fully intending on firing it back up with great determination.


So, those are the biggies.  A lot has changed and it is all wonderful, with the exception of my photography business.  We are so so happy and it is wonderful to be home owning parents!


My current focus is on bettering myself.  It is for me, it is for Jeremy and it is for Penny.  Because, if I can be a better version of myself, I can be a better wife and a better mommy.  The areas of improvement include:
*Photography Business - get it going, and going well!
*Physical Fitness - to lose weight and be a healthy, fit momma!
*Financial - make money with photography to help the bank account!

All of these things are possible and I CAN DO IT! I have a book I am reading that is about self-discipline and I am going to master it so I can reach all the goals I have set for myself!


With that, I am off for now.  I have a hungry baby and a hungry husband on my hands!

*s*

On the fence of disappointment and assurance...

Today I mustered up the strength to walk into the office where I would demand, rather ask, what the status of my possible impending employment.
There were versions of how the conversation would go reeling through my head for days.

Some of the possible imagined responses to my inquiry included:


"Yes! We are ready to hire you today! We were hoping you could quit your job today, take a week's vacation, and start at a very generous wage.  And we will give you all the free massages from the next door spa that you could ever need!" (Okay, so that version may be slightly exaggerated.. A girl can dream!)


"Sorry, we aren't going to be able to hire you.  We have hired someone else and they have experience in this exact field and position, also they are related to everyone here.  And we will not be paying you for working the home shows." (Alright, also exaggerated... But it was the deep end of the pool with no shallow end.)

Realistic what if's:

"We still want to hire you, but for business financial reasons we cannot do so at this time.  Also we do not have a good grip on the time frame at all.  So keep waiting and we will call you when we are able to hire.  When the time comes, you are our first choice and do not plan to interview anyone else."


"We are able to hire in a few weeks your start date is February 1st."


"We are not going to be needing a receptionist as it turns out."


Well folks, good-ish news is it was the first one in the realistic what if's that they said.  This was bitter-sweet news, but I suppose that is better than bad news.  I was happy to hear that they want me, that I am basically pre-hired!  The bitter part being that the timeline is unknown.  Because they are going through a temporary financial unsettlement and that as soon as they know how that is going to turn out, they will contact with me.  If their issue settles soon and favorably it could be a few months, if it settles soon or later especially unfavorably then it could be a lot longer... A year plus?  This would be very bad news.

In any case, I am going to think about looking for a job that is daytime only and hopefully Monday thru Friday.  This would make me the most happy.  I would create some financial stability and mental stability.  Working in the food service industry is just not cutting it anymore.

Happy for what I have, in love with my husband and my puppy who is not a puppy. :)

*S*

Things I potentially want to be when I grow up...

Among the many things flying through my brain at any given time, there are many many things I could potentially want to be when I grow up or at some point in my life...

• Interior Designer
• Photographer
• Event/Wedding Planner
• Florist
• Model Scout
• Videographer
• Personal Stylist/Makeover Professional
• Make-Up Artist
• Crafter That Gets Paid For Crafting
• Mommy
• Homeowner
• Landscape Designer
• Painter
• Lip Model (Not THAT kind! Wash your mind out with soap!)
• Runner/Exerciser
• Couponer

Ok, so I could clarify that the list is not only of interesting-to-me career options, but also personal 'traits'(?).

Here's the conundrum: I do not think that it would be wise to attempt them all. At least not all at the same time.  Doesn't mean that I won't attempt them all at some point in my life.

Goals are good, essential. Without them life is sedentary.  But is there such thing as too many?

This is a crazy making list. How will I ever choose???

I feel like saying that I  l.o.v.e.  my husband, like a lot.  I LOVE that he makes me feel strong, but understands weak moments. I LOVE that he makes me laugh, really laugh.  I LOVE when he laughs, really laughs.  and I LOVE his heart and soul!!! 

*S*

Like a horse track in my head...

Grogginess passes each morning while the gates are loaded and ready to fly open.  Clinking around and restless jostling.  Then 'Off they go!".  My mind races with so so so many things everyday, all day.  I go about my business as they take each corner faster, each straight away gaining speed still.  Then night comes.  I am tired, which makes my mind weaker against the thoughts that are now a tangled grouping, all so close, not one seems to stay ahead for but a few seconds.  By the time I decide to force myself to lay down and attempt sleep, there is nothing but a blur.  The line is being crossed by them all at once.  Noses are a many in the last second photo.  One is determined the most stressful and the rest so close.  But tomorrow is another day, another chance for each topic of irritation, hope, worry and stress to leap beyond the others.  Even if just for a split second.

The race is constant seeming.  Each day the thoughts race and race, overwhelming me with feelings.  Leaving me sometimes confused, hopeful, hopeless, worried, excited, and weary. All at once.

Where is my passion? What do I pursue? Which idea is most doable, exciting, profitable, fulfilling, worth it?  Why can I not find the motivation or drive or will power to do the things I NEED to do?

A list of recurring thoughts: 

In current order as of this very moment. (Could and will shift at a moments notice).

• Lose weight- for health, for pregnancy(I am not pregnant!), for happiness, for quality of life, for self esteem, for self image, for my future children as an example, for my marriage (not in jeopardy, but my being more happy with myself would only benefit our relationship).  Stop hating the size I am. and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 

• NOT HAPPY BEING A WAITRESS ANYMORE! I do not want another make-no-difference part time irritation causing job.

• Career- find one, decide on one, pursue one, how? for financial cushion, stability and support. for saving for having babies, for buying a house, for travel. For peace of mind.  ONE? Photography, Interior Design, Arts & Crafts.... Is doing them ALL possible? Feasible?
• [Will I get the receptionist job at the showroom? It seems like it would make a WORLD of differences!]

• Hobbies- narrow down, organize, do. for my sanity, for creative outlet, for feeling productive.  for sales?  Are they a waste of time in light of not having a job I enjoy?

FEW! A sigh of temporary relief from a compulsive list maker.

Taking a moment to remember what I am lucky to have and what is wonderful about my life:

Beyond words wonderful amazing awesome husband - he is my best friend.

Family that is close, healthy, helpful and loving.

Puppy who is not a puppy but I love him so dearly.

A roof over my head and all of the 'stuff' we are blessed to have.

A fridge and cupboards full of food, we will not be hungry.

Overall in good health.

A job for me and a job for my husband.

No debt other than student loans.

Okay so the list is wonderfully long... Time to remember that the little things are the best things, there are wonderful things to know about each day and to see everywhere.

*S*

A few updates...

Samantha has a new job! Yes, again. I know it seems like I have have moved through quite a few jobs over the years, but hey it's all part of the adventure, right?

Well, I am now an employee of a house cleaning service.  I will not share the name of the business on here, but I will be cleaning houses as half of a team of 2 people.  This is for an established company that provides all of the supplies and jobs.  Which is great because that means no sales for me and all I have to do is do my job! I am relieved to have found a position in which I can learn and do my best and only get better as I go.  Also, there is opportunity to become a team captain, which I think I would like and the regional manager said she has "no doubt" that I will become one. So that's a nice thing to hear.
More than anything, the schedule is a VAST improvement and will really be a great compliment to the time I hope to spend taking photos for people! Not to mention the evenings and weekends with my husband, family and friends; Who I have missed so much while I was working evenings!

As far as the photography goes, I am finding the sunshine helpful in getting out to just look through my lens and take art photos for fun and practice.  I have one official wedding booked (on my birthday!) and I am very excited!!! I also have two engagement photo sessions, a maternity photo session and a animal/owner photo session only waiting to schedule the perfect days! I am so very excited to see where my photography takes me.  I really love doing it and hope that it will someday be my full time job.  I have always dreamed of having a job that I love doing, like so many of us wish for.

Samantha Raye Photography is my business name and you can visit my photography blog:
Samantha Raye Photography Blog

I am also on facebook:
Samantha Raye Photography on Facebook



Thank you everyone for your support and I will write again soon :)

Something big and new needs to happen

We feel like something big and new needs to happen; It is the time to do it. We are in our twenties, newly married, no children, no school, no mortgage payment...

But what?

Vacations are okay, but so temporary and then when you come home its "Welcome back to routine and the same-old same-old".

Moving sounds intriguing; Where would we go? 

We have thought of out of country, out of state, in state & out of city...

     Here's the conundrum: Jeremy has such a great job, it may be stupid to leave it... He likes it there, they like him and he is good at it... But is it still okay to move away and come back someday? They would most likely re-hire him, but do we risk it?

It is just that it feels like if we dont do something big and adventurous now, we never will... Or at least not until we are done raising children...

The feeling of being stagnant is eating away at me...

We both want a life of adventures... How will we get started???